Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
are you so shy because you have an std?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
