last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
