Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize