im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
