i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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