how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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