Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Drake has all the answers
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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