I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
