i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
