The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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