So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
