I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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