hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't deserve a penis
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
