I wanna bring you to show and tell
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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