READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
