Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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