Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
