i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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