Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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