dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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