If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
