My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
