how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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