Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
