i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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