My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
