Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
