Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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