She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize