Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
