I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
