Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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