What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
