first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
