bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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