I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Randomize
