Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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