i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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