Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Your penis caused this!
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