YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
