im drinking this country out of the recession.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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