who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
