My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize