If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
