She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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