he thought i was a dude.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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