I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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