Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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