I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
