come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Randomize
