I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
