I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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