I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
