she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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