i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
