Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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