Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
should my penis look like a turkey
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
