can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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