Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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