LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
