I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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