Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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