I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
