Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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