I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
