My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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