don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
