just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
