If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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