so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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