Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize