i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
