I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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