well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We left the knife in your bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
