6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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