Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
