And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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