Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
