how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize