Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
